


You Know I Only Wanted Fun

by Uial



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff and Crack, German Eren Yeager, Hanji ships it, M/M, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Swearing, Titan Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-07 15:33:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4268658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uial/pseuds/Uial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren's Titan is only able to understand German. Naturally, Levi has to learn it and Hanji has to find a way to get both of them to fuck. </p><p>Alternatively: What if Episode 15 was the last one in the franchise?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack, unapologetic crack with a pinch of fluff, a side of smut and a metric fuckton of cusswords. 
> 
> Eren is 16 in this story. 
> 
> Not betaed, but at least I have the whole thing finished and will update every 3 days.

It's a beautiful Summer day, sweat running down his back, birds tweeting and he hates it. He hates it even more when he screams like a madman and the thing before him ignores his commands, and instead, plops down on it's gigantic ass, which by the way, makes the ground shake, and Levi stumble in a non- dignified manner. The thing submerges it's feet in the cool stream of water that crosses the clearing, sighing contently. Levi glowers over to Hanji who just shrugs his death glare off, fucking four-eyes.

He shouts: “Eren, you fucktard, stop that and get the fuck up, goddammit.” The Titan looks at him with a frown and of course, scoops some of the cold water up with it's hand and hoovers it menacingly over Levi's head.

Hanji tries to hide her grin, but fails. “You know, maybe you should just let him enjoy the day, he's a teenager after all and he did save everyone when it mattered.”

“Yeah, but this piece of shit is also supposed to be humanity's last hope, nevertheless, all it does whenever it turns Titan is to eat horses, or scratch it's back on trees, or chase bunnies, or make fucking flower crowns. In other words, it does fuck all to help us against the other Titans.”

“I'll have you know that the flower crowns were wonderfully made, if a little too big and ...” Hanji's tirade is cut short when Levi feels the cold water cascading over his body, which feels good in the heat but probably ruins the perfectly ironed lines of his clothes, and he won't even talk about his hair.

His best friend lies on the floor laughing and the Titan in front of him might be smiling. The thing doesn’t understand one fucking word of English, but if there is even one disapproving syllable in his rants, Levi will pay for it. Last time he had to wear the fucking flower crown, which was more of a flower chain really, cause it dragged after him like a cloak, for a whole day because the tremendous lunatic growled every time he tried to take it off.

He is supposed to turn Eren's Titan into a perfect soldier, a weapon to win wars, but what can he do when the thing will not listen? It doesn't listen to instructions, or commands, to strategy or advice, and unfortunately listening is pretty much the single most important thing that a soldier should do. Otherwise you have a rogue Titan on the battlefield that does whatever the fuck it wants, and is just as likely to kill your own men as it is to wreak havoc among your enemies. 

“Maybe he just doesn’t get the Language, Levi?” That's what Hanji always argues, but the thing never made any attempt to speak any Language at all.

Eren normally struggles to follow every command to the best of his abilities and most of the time beyond it. Probably cause he has a crush on Levi, at least that's what Hanji says, but that is beside the point. Eren rarely ignores orders because he knows how things turn to fucking shit as soon as people do their own thing. The truth is, when you have a united front, you have the best chances. War is no place to contemplate morality, or to doubt orders, or even to hesitate. These things are weaknesses, plain and simple, they get you killed. Eren knows this but the Titan is another story entirely.

The thing is like a puppy, all fun and food and instant gratification. Sometimes it plays with the other soldiers, they all find it adorable and it never hurts everyone, except for the horses and that was only one time, because it was hungry, says Hanji. The thing is, from the Military perspective, you never get it to actually do something useful.

Erwin is the only one that get's it beside Levi. His glances turn as worried as his own whenever he sees the Titan chasing his comrades and giggling. Which Titan even does that? Completely useless. 

But something's got to change and today is the day that he will get the thing to obey. He will do whatever it takes, because it's his responsibility to make sure that Eren is an asset and not a liability. 

He knows how to cut Eren out of there, probably with the loss of some extremities, but that is a last resort only, and till then he has a whole world of pain to teach the brat some respect. His gripping hook catches in one of the nearby trees and he's off the ground and 5 seconds later, landing safely on one huge arm. 

“Hanji, get out of the way, I’ll try some good old negative reinforcement on this fucker, and it might get angry, so stay back.”

Her expression is doubtful, but she quickly walks over to the border of the clearing where she leans against a tree. 

Titans are normally plump, and they walk kinda like toddler zombies. There are the occasional ones that are athletic, but usually these also look like someone stripped their skin right off, and that’s not really something Levi wants to see. Most of the Titans also have this vacant look on their faces. There is nothing in their eyes except for hunger, the desire to eat humans. Its not even malice, or cruelty, it's just like they need to eat, instinct or addiction, but not really conscious thought.

The thing looks at him with eyes that are too intelligent to be any normal Titan and too animalistic to still be Eren. They still have the same color though. The Titan's hair is longer than Eren's usual, but it looks equally soft and shining. 

And it has abs, Levi knows for a fact that Eren does not have those abs in real life. At least he sincerely hopes so. Leave it to Eren to become the only slightly attractive Titan in existence. If you squint. Levi squints. A lot.

“So, asshat, this is your last chance to get up and get some actual military training done. Do it now, or you will regret it.” He tries to give his voice the firm confidence that it needs, but the Titan still looks at him like he is a butterfly. With an indulgent smile and thoughts like “I wonder what it thinks? Do flowers get boring when you eat nothing else? How does it fly? And why ever would it be so ridiculously colored?”

Levi lifts his sword and slashes it over the thing's arm. Hot steam rises from the wound as the flesh struggles to knit itself back together and Caribbean teal narrows in pain. He does the same again, this time a line of deeper zigzags on the titan's upper arm. A growl follows and the thing now looks at him like one does at a bee. Wondering how something so small could hurt so much, and why the hell would a bee even be in your shoe that's like asking for trouble, and normally you’re not cruel, but in this moment you sit there and laugh, glad that the thing died for causing you pain, but he digresses.

He lifts the blade again and that's when he is interrupted by an actual sequence of sounds coming out of the things mouth. _“Warum tust du mir weh? Ich dachte du wärst mein Freund.”_ The thing's voice is gravelly, too loud, though probably appropriate for a fifty foot being and the statement is accompanied by begging puppy dog eyes, though Levi has no idea what it means. There is a flash of moment and Hanji runs towards them a happy spring in her step, shouting “It talks!!! Levi, it talks.”

He tries go for another cut, but the Titan wraps it's left hand around him, immobilizing, if not causing pain just yet. _“Hör auf damit.”_ it says, definitely angry now. Levi has a hard time to stay calm, cause whatever it says, it translates directly to “ I will eat you, crush your bones and drink your blood.” in his head. 

Hanji still jumps up and down like a kangaroo on ecstasy. 

“Stop that and get me the fuck out of here, now.” His voice is embarrassingly high.

“I think he's speaking German. Levi, isn't that awesome? I told you he just doesn’t understand. I have so many tests to run with this.”

“Get me down, you bitch.” he screeches. The thing's grip gets tighter and he has serious problems to breath now. Levi manages a shallow cut on it's middle finger. 

_“Hör auf.”_ The Titan repeats, each syllable pronounced slower, with emphasis. 

“Levi, I've got this, I had a neighbor and she spoke German.” Hanjis overexcited voice barely makes it trough the mist in his brain. “I think down translates to _runter._ ” 

“Whatever shitface, get me down!” He's wheezing.

 _“Eren, runter!”_ she shouts, the Titan's glance shifts to her, and blessedly the death grip lessens. ”No that's not right. It's something with _lassen._ ” Hanji's thinking face is truly ridiculous and he would totally laugh at her, if he had the breath left to do it.

 _“Lassen Levi runter!”_ She tries again and finally the thing lowers it's hand on the ground and Levi is free and falls to his knees.

Hanji kneels down next to him and helps him to get to his feet again, babbling all the while: “Eren's Titan speaks German, I wonder if he himself also speaks it, probably, but I have no idea why he wouldn't also accept English. Maybe only his subconscious speaks it. Or his first language was German and so the most basic part of him only reacts to it. Or maybe it's something of a fail safe, so only German people could command Titans?”

Levi doesn't want to think about it, mainly cause he's surprised to actually still be alive. There is no doubt that this could have gone so much worse. However much Eren is not in control when he is the giant menace, there must be a part of him that still is himself. Levi is pretty sure that every other Titan would have eaten him already, would have eaten all the other humans, that often are around when Eren transforms, already. But hurting the thing intentionally and presenting himself as a threat and then coming out of it alive, Eren must be more in control then they ever thought.

However, since the only way to actually order the thing around is to speak German, he would have to learn the fucking language. Preferably taught to him by any person who is not Eren. Because Eren is a brat with zero patience and would be the worst choice to teach anyone anything. And he don’t trust himself around Eren at all.

Levi is barely holding on to his his nonchalance around him. He's always struggling to not favor Eren in training, and most of the times he ends up demanding more from him than any of the other trainees because of it. 

When he wants to do something nice for the brat, he never owns up to it. Eren often finds some of the rationed sweets just lying on the floor when he wanders around. Levi is pretty sure he heard Eren talking about it to Mikasa and Armin and guess what his explanation for the whole thing was?Friendly spirits. Yeah, he's a pretty stupid kid.

Some of it is just plain attraction. Levi knows rationally, that Eren looks kinda good. That doesn't really justify Levi tying to snatch a look whenever the Kid is showering, but whatever, he's a pervert, he accepted and cherished the fact. 

He has one of Eren's dirty, disgusting Shirts under his pillow. He stole it from the hamper after training and sniffs at it before falling asleep. Sometimes he cuddles it. 

Sometimes he jerks off smelling Eren's sweat. Clearly he is well beyond saving. Or caring.

Really, the whole thing is not his fault, it's Hanji's. Whenever Levi talked to Eren, the brat would make some kind of choking noise, then he would blush, nod and run like the hounds of hell were on his heels. Every time Hanji would sigh deeply and whisper something like: “Poor fellow, he's so in love” or “Levi, how can you be so cruel?” or “Get a room already, the sexual tension is killing me!”

Erens behavior was even worse when Levi was pissed at him. Or when he used an excessive amount of swearwords. Kid obviously has some kind of kink for being yelled at, if the fact that he always covers his crotch after Levi gives him a tongue lashing is anything to go by. Also, nice choice of words there, Levi, well done.

But if Hanji hadn’t said anything, he would have ignored it. Could have ignored it. He would have noted it as some kind of hero worship obsession and he would have went right on with doing his fucking job. But see, Eren was cute, and hot, and extremely bratty, sometimes, but that made him even more hot and he was determined to save the world and Levi was just so gone, it wasn't even funny anymore. 

And so he began to think about what it would be like to encourage Eren's crush on him. To just kiss him when they were alone. To slap his perfect ass. To go down on his knees and suck his cock. To try and get him off only by talking to him. To call him to Levi's office and say something like “I noticed how you want my dick, soooo, I'm here and my dick is here, just go wild.” Cause that's just how smooth he is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More cursing for you, also fluff, kinda.

But first, he has to learn German. That has to be easy compared to the giant shitstorm that is the Eren situation, right? Of cause, it turns out to be not so easy. 

Hanji, despite her earlier success, doesn’t know more than a few words. 

Erwin winks at him and says something about french that Levi tries to forget as fast as he can. 

And he has to operate with at least a modicum of secrecy, if there are spies in the scouting Legion they would, given enough time, probably find out that he isn't just trying to broaden his horizon by learning a new language.

And that's why Eren, Mikasa and Armin are now sitting in his office and watching the hot pink early purple orchid on his window sill like it could grow legs and attack them any second. 

He likes pink flowers, okay? He is secure enough in his masculinity to admit to liking linking pink flowers, but not Eren's dick in his ass, no sir, cause that would be gay. And he is not. So not gay.

He sighs. “All right, so, Hanji told me that you speak German Eren?”

Before the kid can even answer Mikasa activates her death glare and says :“Yeah, so?”

He hates that bitch. She has to have some kind of mind reading mojo going on, cause the only justified reason for her to despise him this much is if she knew he wants to give the D to her brother. Which, yeah, is a good reason to hate him, but not even Eren knows that. Yet. Ever.

“Hanji might have told you that we discovered that Eren's Titan only speaks and understands German.” He tries to stay calm, he really tries.

Mikasa snorts: “Only after you slashed his arm open, you asshole.” Armin nods and seems appropriately repulsed by him.

Eren does non of that. He just gives Levi that soft, understanding look and it conveys forgiveness as clear as any words he could ever say. It's the same look he gave Levi after kicking the shit out of him in that courtroom. And Levi can't deal with this, can't deal with his nightmares. 

Eren, betrayed and hurt, spitting a puddle of blood and teeth to the granite floor, looking up at Levi with fear in his eyes.

Levi asking: “Do you hate me?” and hoping, hoping just as fiercely and desperately as on that day. 

Eren, no emotion in his voice saying: “Yes.” 

He knows his heart is breaking, hears the fractures, feels the sluggish flow of blood trough the cracks, tastes sour regret and sees all the things that could have been.

He's made mistakes, and lots of them. Forgets sometimes, that the Titan is Eren. He grew up hating Titans, trained with dedication and conviction to rid the world of them. Fighting is his innermost instinct, it's the thing that he could do in his sleep, the thing that defines him. 

It's hard for him to align Eren the Human and Eren the Titan in his mind and accept that they are one being. He sometimes sees Eren's hate for them and he's swept along with it. They both conveniently forget that Eren is a Titan.

It's happened often enough for Eren to get used to it. He acts like it's so big deal, like it's perfectly understandable for people to just hurt him when he is no longer human. It's something he expects. It's something he even agrees to on some level.

But it is not not how Levi want's to behave. And it's not how he wants Eren to feel. That he loses his basic human rights the moment he turns into a Titan. That one part of him is some kind of monster that deserves to be tortured just for what it is. Eren is not less of a human because of his abilities, he is more of one to live with them. 

Levi knows better than most people what it means to be responsible for all of humanity. It's a thankless, shitty job that someone has to do. And if he's honest he would rather do it with Eren than with anyone else. 

Fortunately, Eren seems to see something of this in Levi's eyes before he can turn to the window and blink rapidly to keep his tears at bay.

With a few hushed words and placating gestures Mikasa and Armin gone.

“I'm sorry.” Eren says, and it's kind of funny, because Levi is the one that should have said it first. The one that needs to say it. “They don't get it.” he continues. “You do what is necessary. What needs to be done. I know you don't mean to hurt me, but sometimes you have to do it. To make me better at what I do.”

Levi will never understand how this Kid can be wiser than people twice his age but there you have it. He frowns. “I still behaved like an asshole. I'm sorry and for what it's worth, I wish you didn't have to be mature enough to see that.”

When Eren laughs, it sounds a little sad. “Kind of comes with the job.”

“Humanities last hope is not Humanities only hope, Eren. All of us are by your side.” Even if Eren weren't instrumental in the war, Levi would still give his life to safe him. Any other soldier would do the same. Eren's determination and loyalty inspire and fascinate people. He gives them something to fight for, someone to die for, he gives them hope.

“I get why they call you the strongest now, I think.” Eren smiles and Levi, helplessly, can do nothing but smile, too. This has to stop. Levi has no idea for how long he has been sitting here and grinning like a lovesick idiot but it is too long. 

He leans backwards as far possible, cursing the uncomfortable wooden chair and clears his throat. Eren flinches at that and nearly falls off his chair, blushing violently. Probably means that he has imagined something dirty. Or it is a simple sign of embarrassment and Levi is a sick old man. Probably both. 

Anyway, back to his job that decidedly doesn't include lusting after 16 year old kids. “Right, as I said before, your Titan form seems to only understand and react to German. Where did you learn the language Eren?” 

The brat straightens a bit. “German isn't that uncommon in Shiganshina, some of our neighbors spoke it as well. Many of our ancestors were German, apparently. My father thought Mikasa and me. But she is way better at it then I am, so if you want to learn it, which I assume is to get my Titan under control, you should probably ask her.” Eren seems crushed by his admission and he collapses into the chair. It looks sad and painful. Mostly because of the chair.

Like fuck he would ask Mikasa. Levi would end up dead with the German equivalent of “I am a pervert asshole” sliced into his forehead. Not gonna happen.

He shakes his head to try and dissolve the grim image. That would be one embarrassing way do go, but Eren would cry at his grave, so he has that going for him. “Nah, it's probably all right, I don't need to be able to write a fucking novel in German, I just need to learn a few common words.”

Eren's face lights up like Christmas come early: “All right, do you wanna learn to write it too, or just speak it? You could write the things I tell you in some kind of phonetic language that helps you remember how to say the commands, maybe with the English translations underneath.” He's stupidly exited and it's like as cuter version of Hanji.

When the Kid is happy it is like having a little sun in the room. Everything brightens and looks more pretty. Well everything except the old guy with the dark circles under his eyes and the constant “I don't have no expressions.” face. Hanji's words, not his'.

Besides, he is definitely able to smile, he's pretty sure he's doing it right this moment. He is always doing it when Eren is somewhere near. “Just the spoken thing is all right, but I'll write some of it down. The first sentence you need to teach me is: Eren, put me down this instant, you brain dead Dickfuck.”

“Do I want to know the story behind this? Probably not.” Eren giggles, rises and settles back down, perched cross-legged on the chair this time. Levi seriously doubts that that makes the chairs any more comfortable. The kid continues: “Also I'm not sure if I should teach you how to cuss in German. It could potentially double your material and I'm really not sure if the world is ready for that.”

Levi takes a sheet of paper and a pen. “I'm your Captain, brat, you will teach me all the words I want to know!”

Eren smiles like he's happy and Levi has no idea how Eren's idea of happiness came to involve him, but he's so fucking ecstatic about it. “All right, yeesh, chill, dude.” Levi raises his eyebrows and Eren continues. ”Right, the translation would be: _Eren, lass mich sofort runter, du gehirntoter_ ” He hesitates. “ I have no idea how to translate dickfuck. How is that even a word. I bet you just put random swearwords in a row and claim that they exist. Anyway, the literal translation is _Schwanzficker_ I believe, but I never heard that one before. Try _Schwanzlutscher_ , it's at least common and translates to cocksucker.”

Levi tries to repeat the sentence in his head and fails. “All, right, smartass. Give me the shorter, easier version, first.” 

Eren winks at him and murmurs: “Don't worry, I will teach you the complicated words later.” 

Of course Eren has to repeat the sentence five more times till Levi is able to remember any of it. There isn't enough blood in his body to keep his brain running when Eren talks about cocksucking. 

Eren's smell isn't helping matters at all. Levi's room normally smells like the slightly sweet velvet of orchids, but now it's all Eren's slightly musky chocolate smell. He can't help but glance over to his bed where Eren's shirt is still crumpled under the pillow. Jerk off to a smell often enough and it becomes a Pavlovian response. This is highly inconvenient now, because his dick will just not go down. Seriously, he tries thinking of Hanji and nothing happens. On a sexiness scale from 0 to 10, Hanji is like a negative 7.

Interestingly enough, the kid doesn't seem annoyed by his distracted state, he just repeats everything again and again with a bright smile and seemingly endless patience. “So again, if I need to put you down you say: _Lass mich runter_ , if I should put another person down, you put the name at the place of _mich_. _Lass Hanji runter_ , for example. You would also need some general “Stop-what-you-are-doing-now-Command, that would be: _Hör sofort auf damit_.”

Levi writes everything down and nods. “Alright. I also need to say pick this up and drop this. I think I will make you carry a few logs.”

The brat shrugs. “As long as I don't have sore muscles for the next week, do whatever you want. Pick this up would be: _Heb das auf_ , and drop that would be: _Lass das fallen_. And I would add gestures towards the trees for easier understanding.” Levi rolles his eyes and Eren smiles indulgently. ”Or you say: _Hebe diesen Baumstamm auf_ and _Lass diesen Baumstamm fallen_. Which means pick this log up and drop this log.”

They are interrupted by a knock on the door and exited chatter as Hanji enters. “I knew you would pick Eren to teach German to you.” A mirthful Hanji is never a good thing. “I have so much I need to talk about with him.” 

Two seconds later Levi is on his way towards Erwins office and Hanji is alone with Eren and that is a catastrophe just waiting to happen. Of course Erwin had no idea about the “very important thing” Hanji said he was supposed to discuss with Levi, so Levi hurries back as fast as he can. 

At the door he stops, listening to Eren's outraged whisper: “Are you kidding me, Hanji, he would fucking kill me.”

Hanji answers, and her voice would be fitting for a person on the brink of insanity. “You already told me, and if you believe your meek protests are going to stop me then you are wrong. I know you want it and you can't stop me.”

He opens the door and Hanji flees like a coward before he can even swear at her.

“Wanna tell me what this was all about?” Eren blushes and looks away, now that Levi is back behind his desk.

“Just Hanji being Hanji craziness. Nothing at all to worry about.” Eren nods, like he needs to convince himself more than Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter I'll bring the smut. See you in 3 days.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the smut.

Of course, things turn to shit real fast. One moment Levi is successfully ordering the giant menace to carry trunks from one end of the field to the other, smirking with the knowledge that Eren will have sore muscles for at least the next decade, next Hanji is holding a paper in her hand snickering manically like a crazy witch. Coincidentally the image only gets more accurate as she reads from a paper, something that might as well be a spell for all the sense it doesn't make. 

_“Hebe Levi vorsichtig auf, dann gib ihm einen Kuss auf den Mund und setze ihn wieder ab. Und höre nicht auf ihn wenn er dir befielt damit aufzuhören.”_

The Titan perks up, listens, then drops the trunks it is carrying and walks towards Levi. He has a bad feeling about this and takes a few steps back while asking. “What the fuck did you just tell him?”

Hanji just laughs and her voice for all it's usual exitement sounds threatening as fuck. “Just go with it, there is no way to stop it now. No loopholes. I made sure of that. Send Eren my regards.” And with that she is on the way to her horse.

The Titan bows down to Levi, very carefully taking him into his right hand while Hanji's horse takes off, her giggles drifting away. She is going against every protocol and if she thinks that Levi will not report her for this, the bitch is so wrong. 

Eren lifts him up until Levi is right in front of his face and he is so scared right now. There are many negative associations when one is being held in front of a Titan's mouth. It's bad. Hanji wouldn't kill him, but her “no loopholes” comment probably meant that the stopping command doesn't work. He tries anyway. It doesn't work.

The Titan watches him carefully and he can see his eyes, it's kind of soothing, seeing Erens eyes and not the magically glowing green slits that appear when he fights. Eren's Titan shifts his head and inches more towards Levi and then their lips touch. For all intents and purposes it's a kiss. The Titan smells exactly like Eren and for a split second he let's himself believe that Eren is kissing him, that his lips would feel as warm, firm and slightly chapped as the Titan's. What's even more sad is that he stores the experience away in his mind, locks it up, securely, to preserve it. It's probably all he will get from Eren. He supposes he should be thankful that Hanji did not go for a Titan blowjob or something. Though, if he's honest he is more disappointed about that.

Before he even notices it, Levi is back on the ground. It's easier this time to keep his legs steady. The Titan sits down, in the Middle of the field, letting his form fall back, flattening the grass in the process, tanning or whatever a Titan would do, lying in the sun. Levi sits down next to him, leaning against his hip with a sigh. He Isn't in the mood for commanding anymore and he has to wait till Eren runs out of fuel and transforms back. It normally takes around five hours, but it's a little less if he did any manual labor. 

He dreams that a monster with Hanji's face tries too eat him and then Eren rescues him, but he isn't really Eren and suddenly his legs vanish and he has to crawl.

“I'm guessing Hanji did her thing then, since she's gone and all?” The voice wakes him. He is still pressed against something but it feels less like a warm wall of muscle and more like the warm side of a human. When he opens his eyes and looks to his left Eren is red like a tomato. “I'm so sorry. She asked me to translate this thing for her and she kept hurrying me and saying it was very important for humanity. And it only dawned on me after she had already written it down.” Eren's fingers weave trough the warm grass like he's trying to make a carpet. Nervous habits are generally annoying to him but when Eren does it, it's always cute. Disgusting.

The sun tints Eren's hair golden. If Levi were able to draw, he would draw him like that, blushing and shy, someone to be protected, someone to care for.“ It's not the first time she tricked some gullible, ignorant, stupid, unknowing, brainless...” The kid harrumphs. “Idiot into doing her bidding.” Levi finishes. 

Eren laughs good-naturedly, but the effect is entirely gone when he speaks. “You know I could still tell her so many things that would be so much worse. I could teach her how to make me trap you in a tree without clothes, or to force you to wear flower crowns and only flower crowns, or even throw you into the puddle with the swamp water we found last time, the one that smelled like rotten fish and horse shit. If I remember correctly you said you rather clean the showers with your tongue than to ever get in contact with that.” 

So, the kid knows how to fight dirty? Well, he isn't the only one. “Bottom line, you just want to see me naked.” Levi 's smirk is part benevolent shark, part cat who got the canary. “Yup could just say so brat, would spare you the work to transform every time you want to get off.”

If the kid was red before he is now glowing. And struggling to find words. It's all quite endearing. “Like I haven’t already seen you naked.”

Levi's only naked when he's showering, it's some kind of phenomenon for the others, that he never takes his shirt off, even when everyone else is training in shorts and not much else. He was always under the impression that he showered alone, which is part of the reason why he even gets up at 3 am to do it. “The fuck ?”

Eren squirms like he has to dig his own grave, what he already did, figuratively at least. “Well, let's say that theoretically I couldn't sleep and then I wandered the castle and maybe I saw you, on your way to the shower, but I had no idea what you were doing, so maybe followed you, to keep you safe.”

He feels slightly flattered, but mostly irritated at Erens admissions. The kid seems to sense his growing anger, he rips the grass to shreds. “See, and maybe I told Mikasa and Armin, because you didn't even notice me, and you were practically helpless, but Jean overheard, and the next time, maybe there were 12 people watching you shower. And then Marco said that it was boring and I was like, have you seen that ass, and maybe from then on, it was a popular past time to count how often we saw your ass. And maybe the high score was 32, yeah, that was a good day.” Eren seemed lost in thought for a moment.

“Anyway, a few days later Armin said that it was disrespectful, and that you deserved privacy, and that made sense, but everyone already watched you, so I sent them all away. And maybe they came back often, because we don't really have a lot of hobbies here, so I had to keep and eye out for you, and watch you shower, so the others wouldn't watch you shower.” He's really only making it worse at this point, so he finally stops talking.

“So you watch me every time I take a shower?” Levi imagines Eren, trying his best not to look to much, and maybe jerking off to Levi's ass later, because he has a really nice behind, people should totally masturbate to it. Well, Eren at least. And it's not like you have any privacy in the Scouting Legion. People shower together, wash their clothes together, shit together, and with 6 trainees in every room, it's likely that they also jerk off together.

The real problem here is, how the fuck did he not notice a horde of teens with him in the showers? He's probably still half asleep every time he goes. Levi isn't a morning person and he isn't even a person to begin with, without his first and second cup of strong, black tee. Seems he has to find a way to get up even earlier now.

Eren's voice is merely a whisper, eyes cast down in shame. “Well, I can stop now, since you are aware of the threat.” 

“Yeah, the threat.” Levi nods. This whole conversation is ridiculous enough to be a dream, and he already pinched himself three times to make sure that it isn't one. 

Eren's eyes find his, shining with tears. “I'm sorry, Levi. I really fucked up. I shouldn't have watched you. I just didn't know how to tell you, and I didn't really want to stop doing it either. And I should have never told anyone. But now you know and you can punch me in the face and then everything goes back to normal right?” He looks so vulnerable, like his heart is in Levi's hands, and he is about to break it.

Levi can't do it. All he can do is to kiss him. So he cradles Eren's jaw in his hands and guides their lips together. His lips are so much softer now, he tastes like happiness, chocolate slowly melting in the sunshine. When Levi licks alongside his bottom lip he opens up almost immediately with a slow sigh, his mouth welcoming and warm, tongue shyly brushing against Levi's own. 

Eren tries to get closer, finally crawls on top of him and Levi's hands sneak under his shirt, he hasn't even the presence of mind to undress the brat properly. The only thing he can do is to rip a few of the buttons off, to give himself more room to work with. Eren is making these wonderful little sounds whenever Levi caresses his hipbones, he's a demanding little shit but it's not like Levi could ever refuse him anything. Eren's fingers are tangled in his hair and he's holding onto it like he's drowning, Levi still has no idea how they even got here.

They get more desperate by the minute, sloppily licking into each others mouths. It's dirty and disgusting and the most glorious thing he has ever felt. Levi is hard already, leaking, really and if he had any presence of mind left, he would feel embarrassed, but he needs friction like now, so he grabs Eren's ass to grind their hips together and when their cocks touch they both groan. He curses his height since they can't continue their kiss, instead he glances at Eren's face, and it leaves him struggling not to come. The teal is all but gone from his eyes, they are dark with want, a spot of color on his cheeks and his lips are red and swollen, mouth slack in pleasure. Eren looks absolutely debauched and better than he had ever looked in Levi's fantasies. 

It's fucking uncomfortable, his cock straining against the wet patch in his trousers, but he would have to let go of Eren to undress, and that won't happen. He needs to get off now, before one of them recovers enough brain cells to remember what a bad idea this is. 

The brat's fingernails scratch red marks into his biceps and Levi's fingers press matching bruises into his soft skin. They'll probably be gone in a few minutes and it's reassuring and depressing both. He forgets how time is supposed to work, he measures it in Eren's beautiful moans, sometimes just breathy sounds, sometimes soft words. Heat curls tighter in his stomach, rising with every needy thrust of his hips. He comes right when Eren's sighs his name followed by a throaty “Oh fuck, I'm gonna” And then there is nothing more than two body's shuddering in unison and warmth spreading. 

He comes in his trousers like a fucking teenager, and he doesn't want to remember that he has to ride back to castle like that. Still, he doesn't regret a thing, not when Eren smiles at him like everything is all right with the world. Which, of course it isn't but it doesn't get much closer than good sex. They lie next to each other, matching wet spots on their pants, matching blissed out expressions and heavy limbs, and Levi thinks that he wants every evening for the rest of his live to be like this.

They both stand up after a few minutes, Eren's body language becoming more and more closed off. Levi has no idea how to fix whatever he did wrong. Eren seems to loose himself in the now setting sun, his hair bright like fire and eyes dangerous like a coming storm. 

“Will we do that again?” He finally asks, voice carefully neutral.

Levi knows that he should end it here, for both their sakes. This could cost him his job, his future, and Eren's too. Erwin wouldn't be pleased, emotional ties always being a liability. But what could they really do? They couldn’t lose both Humanity's Strongest and Humanity's Last Hope, otherwise there wouldn't be a whole lot of humanity left.

He smirks. “Yeah, but only if there is a washroom in the general vicinity.”

Eren relaxes and eventually grins again. He's so breathtaking, Levi has no idea how he deserved this. Their eyes lock and Eren whispers: “Sooo... like in the shower.”

Levi rolls his eyes and struts towards his horse, Eren following him, jumping every few steps. “Nice try, fuckwit. Doesn't meant that you won't get punished, though. Cleaning duty for at least a month.”

 _“Immerhin ist er gut im Bett, auch wenn er sonst immernoch ein totales Arschloch ist.”_ Eren mumbles even though the kid knows that Levi hears a mouse coughing from a mile away. Insults sound the same in every language, it's all about the pitch and Eren's pitch is all fuck you.

“What was that, dipshit?” 

“Nothing, Captain _Arschloch_ , sir.”

And just for that Levi mounts his horse and gallops towards the castle without Eren. He doesn't even feel bad. It's only a 10 mile walk, a Titan brat should be able to do that. Levi's instructor had always said: “If you can sass, you can walk 20 Miles in the dark with a 70 lbs backpack trough the rain”. It's still a viable philosophy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you want the English translations to the German stuff down here, or if you'd rather guess the meaning yourselves.
> 
> Comments and Kudos are cuddled and dipped in honey. 
> 
> Title from: Where Did The Party Go by Fall Out Boy.


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